The Many Shades of Love

Online dictionary defines love as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" or "a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or a friend". The word Love is so commonly and frequently used and yet has different meanings at different times and in varying situations. Whatever the context in which the word is used, most of the people understand the meaning of the word in the context it is used. A little study of the word indicates that the word has many meanings in different contexts. The love of a man for a woman or vice versa is different from the love of a mother to a child. The love of a husband for the wife or vice versa is different from the love of a teacher to his pupil or a devotee to the Lord. 

Love is often an intense feeling for someone or something. It can be earthly and confined to the physical attraction. It can be for something for physical objects like a musical instrument or books. It can as well be for something abstract like the love for the Lord. Sometimes its effects can be seen and at other times it can only be felt. Some shades of love can be understood by all. Some other shades require a deeper understanding of the background and some preparation to fathom the depth of the intense feelings of love. 

It is interesting to note that different philosophies deal with the word in detail and mention different types of love. In a sense, love is like colour; it has different shades and takes many forms. While a detailed study of the word can fill a vast canvas and can be a subject for a PhD thesis, there is no harm in considering a limited edition of the study to understand the basic philosophy that denotes the word.

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References to Bible give four kinds of love. They are identified through 4 Greek words, Eros, Storge, Phileo and Agape. They represent the four different faces of love:

Eros originated from the Greek God of love and represents physical or romantic love.  It is more commonly associated with bodily attraction as mentioned with the acts of Cupid (Roman God of Love). Storge refers to the love between mother and child or parents and children, love among family members like brothers and sisters etc. Phileo is wider and denotes love among the people in the same community and emotional bonding between deep friendships. It can also be in the context of philosophy and learning. Agape is considered as the highest form of love, the one between the Lord and mankind or the love of a devotee to the Lord.

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Arabic myth refers to seven shades of love. Each is indicated by an Arabic word and these words are commonly used in Urdu as well. The seven shades and their main qualities are Hub (Attraction), Uns (Infatuation), Ishq (Love), Adiqat (Reverence), Ibadat (Worship), Junoon (Obsession) and Maut (Death). As the meanings of the words indicate, these shades show different levels from physical attraction to highest form of worship. Some sources also mention ten and eleven shades of love.

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What is the interpretation of shades of love in the Indian context? Ancient Indian texts give three basic shades of love. These shades depend upon the comparative relationship between the two personalities involved. An example can be the relationship of a Guru (Mentor) and a Shishya (Disciple or Mentee). There is flow of love from both sides; but their expression and shades differ. Another example is the love between two equals, where the flow on either side is similar. 

Love is not a static concept; it evolves with time. An example of this evolvement over years is the love between a son or daughter and the parents. On the day of birth, the love between the parents and the baby is something that can be really understood by those who have felt it. As the child grows up, the love of the parents takes the shape of love between a guide and the ward. It moves towards one between friends in due course. The trend reverses as the child grows into an adult and the parents grow older. Protectiveness which was one of the expressions of love now gets reversed and the parents receive the protection of their own child, now grown into an adult. The cycle moves on....

The three basic shades of love defined in the ancient Indian texts are:

• Love towards those who are at a higher pedestal takes the shape of reverence. This is identified as Bhakti. (भक्ति - ಭಕ್ತಿ )
• Love towards those who are our equals and the flow is the same in both directions. This is Sneha. ( स्नेह - ಸ್ನೇಹ )
• Love towards those who are younger or dependant on us. This is Krupa - Grace or Favour. (कृपा - ಕೃಪೆ )

The three shades mentioned above are not to be confused to be one of status or superior or inferior stances. It is basically a method of social interaction in a mutually accepted relationship. With advancement in age, knowledge and maturity, movement from one level to the next higher level is a natural progression; it is not something to be shy of or proud as well.

Those in the first level are to behave with benevolence and kindness. Those in the third level are to behave with reverence and deference. In the life's journey all of us will be at one of these levels at sometime or the other!

Does this have any similarity with Transaction Analysis?