I Salute You, Dear Mother

Each one on this earth, man or woman, is beholden to one's mother. "Maatrudevo Bhava"  is the first lesson for the young initiated, advising them to see the Lord first in their own mothers. There is no existence for any of us without our mothers. Some are fortunate to see their mother and live with her for several years. Some have the luxury of having her by their sides till their own ripe old age. A few are unfortunate to lose her at birth itself or before they are able to understand and acknowledge her presence. 

Many devout Indians go to Gaya in Bihar for offering Pindas to their forefathers. Pindapradan or sacred offerings is a way of remembering our elders and expressing our gratitude to them. Is there any place which is specially identified for remembering one's mother exclusively, the who makes innumerable sacrifices to give birth and nurture the child?

MatruGaya or Siddhpur in Patan District of Gujarat, located on the banks of the holy river Saraswati,  is the place for devout Indians to visit and make Pindapradan for the mothers. It is a two hour drive (110 KM) from Ahmedabad airport. Siddhpur has a very interesting history.

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Kardama Prajapati was the son of Lord Brahma and chose Shristhal, earlier name for Siddhpur, for his penance. Pleased with his long penance, Lord Vishnu advised him that Manu and Shatarupa Devi will be approaching him for marrying their daughter, Devahuti. Lord Vishnu also told Kardama that he will himself take birth as their son in due course. Kardama and Devahuti had nine daughters and Lord Vishnu was born as their son Kapila later on. Sage Kapila is recognized as one of the main contributors of the Dualistic form of Indian Philosophy.

Kardama Prajapati renounced the world and proceeded to the forest after handing over the care of Devahuti with son Kapila. In due course of time, Devahuti approached Kapila to enlighten her about higher spiritual pursuits and reaching the Lord. The advice given by Kapila to his mother Devahuti is detailed in Bhagavata Mahapurana in the third skanda (canto).  Kapila lays emphasis on visualizing the Lord as a person and worshipping his lotus feet. As this discussion took place in Shristhal, presently known as Siddhpur, it has become an important pilgrimage center for those who remember their mothers and want to do Pindapradan in their honor and memory. While doing so, the sons remember the varieties of troubles they gave their mothers before, during and after their births. Sixteen pindas are offered by reciting a sloka for each of the pindas. The content of each of the sloka is indeed filled with profound feelings.

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Siddhpur has some more history behind it. It is believed that Bramharshi Dadeechi gave away his backbone here to Lord Indra for making of "Vajraayudha" to enable him to kill Vrutrasura. There is also a lake here called "Bindu Sarovara" which is believed to have been formed from the drops of water that fell from the eyes of Lord Vishnu. Pindadaan is done around this holy lake.

What does the son tell his mother while offering the sixteen Pindas? Their rough translation is somewhat like this:

1. I was responsible for the difficulty you experienced while walking on earth during pregnancy, when I was in your womb.
2. I caused immense hardship for you while growing from month to month in your womb.
3. I kicked you often with my legs without realizing that it would hurt you.
4. I gave you trouble in the form of death-like pains while staying in your womb.
5. I gave many other troubles till the tenth month, when you delivered me.
6. I was the cause of all the suffering you faced as delivery date approached.
7. You had to drink and swallow many bitter liquids and medicines before and during my birth.
8. Your body suffered a lot after birth, while nurturing me.
9. You were rendered miserable due my wetting the bed frequently, especially during nights.
10. You always gave me food and water on priority even while ignoring your own needs.
11. I caused pain and trouble while you breast fed me day and night.
12. You suffered during summer and winter months due to my dependence on you.
13. You suffered more than me whenever I was sick.
14. You ate little and yet gave me full, always.
15. There are no sons like me; I troubled you the most.
16. As you cross the gates of heaven, I remember you and offer these Pindas.

While offering the sixteen pindas, the son mentions that it is for atoning for each of the sins mentioned above.

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Kardama Prajapati, Devahuti and their son Kapila have become an integral part of the lives of people who remember MatruGaya or visit that place for sacred offerings.

She will go as She was

It was one of the saddest days in our lives.  Our dear mother showered her love on us for a long time and had just left for her heavenly abode that day.  We were waiting for the arrival of her elder sister from Bangalore before the final step of consigning her mortal remains to eternity. All her sons and daughters and grandchildren were engulfed by sorrow and not many words were spoken around.  Our father had lost his wife of nearly six decades.  They had seen difficult days, good days and very happy days along these years.  He was sitting on a chair lost in deep thoughts.  The years they spent together was probably unfolding in his memory like a film.  He was not actually crying but one could feel the sadness by just looking at him.

The body was readied by my sisters for the final journey. The last offering called "Baagina" was kept ready for the husband to offer to the departed wife.  A well meaning neighbor asked for a piece of turmeric.  She wanted the piece of turmeric for tying around the neck of the body and removing the golden "Maangalya".  It is common practice to remove all the gold items from the body before consigning it to flames.  She was only reminding this trend.  All such gold items are material wealth and valuable for the living.  But it has no value for the dead.  Why destroy it?  Wiser people remove these items much before the end comes so that there is no embarrassment or delicate issues to be sorted out when the final moment arrives.

"She will go as She was", my father all but shouted in a clear voice and continued, "Nothing will be removed.  Whatever she was wearing will go with her. When I see her for the one last time, she should be the same as she was".  The neighbor was taken aback but she was not the one to give up an issue without some more argument.  "I have only suggested what is generally done. That is the common practice.", she replied mildly.  "What you suggested is right and fine. But that will not be done with my wife today", he replied her in a soothing tone.  "She will go with her ear studs, nose stud, Maangalya, bangles and the silver rings on the fingers of her feet. These five were the ornaments she wore as Muttaide, the five beautification aids or whatever you may call them.  When she is herself gone what to do with those things?", were his words of finality.  "Those people in the crematorium will take the gold pieces from the ashes", she said.  "What somebody does after she is consigned to flames does not bother me" he replied as the final verdict.  The issue ended there.

A week later things had calmed down a bit.  My father was telling all of us about the highlights of their long journey in life. I seized the opportunity and raised the issue.  "People take out all valuable items and the gold items are generally given to the daughters or daughters-in-law.  Is it a wrong practice?", I asked him.  "It is not at all a wrong practice and I did not suggest anything like that.  It is one's personal choice.  Many people remove these gold items and give it to the unmarried daughters. Those who are economically weak should better take the ornaments out and use them as it makes more sense for them.  All our daughters are married and even some grand daughters.  We do not need it. People also say that an unmarried daughter should be got married within a year so that the departed soul gets the punya, benefit of that action.  What punya you can you give to a departed soul?  Each soul has to carry its burden on its own shoulders.  This getting the unmarried daughter within a year also has a reason.  It is probably more for some fast action and ensure that the daughter is married that year itself rather than passing on the punya to the departed soul.  As the mother is no longer around to press for it, such a system may ensure the required action.  All this kriya or karma that is done is only for our satisfaction and peace of mind.  No one knows whether the soul will know of this or cares about it.  We all join together and remember the departed person and his or her contribution to our lives. That appears to be the basic purpose of these karmas. Rest of it is pure Tarka (Logic) or belief", he said.

"Then why should we do all this kriya karma? Why waste resources on these things?", I asked.  "Where is the wastage? You invite all relatives and friends and have a feast remembering the departed member of the family and society.  it is an occasion just like birthday. Only difference is that we do not respect the laws of nature when it comes to death.  During kriya karma you bring many items and distribute them among the needy in memory of the departed soul. Those items are used by the receivers in their daily lives. Nothing is a waste. When you give a set of footwear to someone walking barefoot it is not a waste.  But when you give it to a person having four pairs already, then it is a waste. So also with a bed.  It is to be given to a person sleeping on a floor and not to someone who has four cots in his house.  As far as performing kriya karma is concerned, it is one's choice. It is like two brothers going out of the house and arguing about whether it will rain that day.  One believes it rains and carries an umbrella with him.  The other brother does not believe it rains and goes without an umbrella.  If it rains, the one with umbrella is protected and the one without it will get drenched in the rain. If it does not rain the one who took it out  has only the problem of carrying the piece with him. I suggest you do the kriya karma as per the tradition of your family, just like keeping  the umbrella for no one knows for sure what happens after death or whether there is another world or not. Just like whether it will rain or not", he concluded.

Opinions may differ on arguments, logic and philosophy part.  But he was right about one thing.  When he saw his wife for the one last time in front of the electric furnace, she was as she was all her life, for him.  Just as I saw my mother for that one last time, as she was since my birth. 

Mother's SEVEN Golden Rules

Last week I met an elderly friend and well-wisher, after a gap of five years.   We talked about many thing and many other common friends.   He is a man who achieved many distinctions in his professional career amidst adverse and critical conditions.  Among his many achievements was a successful fight for getting a degree of respectability for people working with him and recognition from a tough management.  What struck me most was his eagerly looking forward to an urgent trip next month to his native place.   The journey would be quite long with more than twenty hours flying and ten hours thereafter by road, but he was looking forward to it with a great deal of enthusiasm.  "My Mother is there in my native town.  I have to touch her feet and seek her blessings",  he said with a boyish smile.  He is himself 75 years old and grandfather to three or four grandchildren.  How lucky a man, I wondered.  

Most people agree that to have parents with them for a long time is a big boon.  Very few may have some reservations on this.    Some unfortunate ones do not even remember the faces of their father or mother due to losing them at a tender age.  Some are fortunate to live with them during early years.  Very few have their parents alive till their own advanced age, like this lucky friend.   This incident brought up memories of my own mother.   I was also lucky enough to have our mother with us till I was forty years old.   Half of this period was spent in her direct care.  She herself lost her father when she was only seven years old.  Her two elder sisters were already married by that time and she was brought up by her widowed mother, along with her two younger brothers, during the difficult days of recession and drought.  Being from a village she could study only up to fourth standard and could read and write our mother tongue, Kannada.  She was initiated into taking care of young kids when she was herself a child, by being motherly to her two younger brothers.  Married very early, she took care of eight of us and led us along our lives in a way we cherish the upbringing.

Among the many lessons we learnt  from her was that formal education and knowledge were two different things.   She studied only up to fourth standard but was no less knowledgeable than people with college degrees.  She was well versed with our culture and had a through knowledge of our epics and stories.  She had a very rich voice and could sing for hours together.  She had a song to sing on every occasion, be it marriage or housewarming or naming ceremony or some other function.  Her singing would start with sunrise and continue with her daily chores side by side.  She had a different set of songs for each day of the week and song from any set was not repeated till the next week day.  Afternoons were reserved for reading from some books or singing from some epics.  She did not need a book or a pen but when she wrote letters, it was with a legible and neat handwriting.   She was available to her neighbors with a helping hand at all times of need.  Like most mothers, she had abundant patience but could be stern and tough when the the need arose.   She ran the family admirably during the critical years during World War II when my father was with the army and away in Burma.  

She had a set of rules to be followed at home.  They were golden rules. The rules were based on sound economic and moral principles.   No pressure or force was required to enforce them; they were automatically complied since they were fair and square.  First rule was that the use of bathroom and facilities at home should be regulated in accordance with the timings of persons going out for office or school.  Early goers get to use them first.  This way every one would have enough time to get ready and be on their way.  If some one still wanted early use, he should get up early and finish his requirements before others.  There could be exceptions but the general rule should be followed.  With a dozen persons at home, this was the easiest way to avoid friction and ensure fair treatment to all. 

Second rule was about serving food and drinks.  Food should be consumed when it is prepared and ready.   If anybody wants to take bath and say prayers before breakfast, it should be done before being called upon to take breakfast.  Kitchen head had to serve many persons and statements like "I have not yet taken bath or I will have it later" were not acceptable.

Third rule was about complaint about items prepared.  When there are so many people around and many items prepared, one may like some and may not like some others.  "Eat two spoons more of what you like and two spoons less of what you do not like", she would say.  It is difficult for a kitchen head to procure various items required, prepare the items and serve so many people.  Availability of items depends on seasonality also.  The difficult task of the person running the kitchen should not be rendered even more difficult by wild behavior and complaints.  Of course, with the variety of items she would provide there could be no complaints about quality or quantity.   Never.

Fourth rule was about the order of consumption.   Those were the days of  "No electricity and no refrigerators".  Monsoon months would be difficult as supply of items were disrupted for days together.  Items like Pickles and pappad were generally reserved for the tough monsoon months.   On regular days they should be resorted to only when other items were not available.  There was no point in wasting pickles or pappad when three or four other items are available.  "What will you do when it is raining continuously and vegetables and curds are not available?", she would ask.  If some one asked for them on a regular day, he or she would still get it.  But the rule will be reminded gently.

Fifth rule was about having breakfast, lunch or supper together.  As far as possible, all persons present at home should have food together.   This would render kitchen management easier and provide some rest for the kitchen incharge.  If the item being served is like Dosa or Rotti, made one at a time, the youngest will eat first followed by others in that order.  Exchange of order of serving by mutual consent was permitted, but the preparation should go uninterrupted.  There were no "switch on - switch off" stoves in those days and cooking was on firewood ovens.

Sixth rule was to be followed when visiting a relative or friend.  The items served there may not be to our liking.  But complaints should not be made.   "We do not know what constraints they had.  We should not embarrass them.   If you do not like something, eat it like medicine and manage",  she would say.

Seventh rule was about appropriation of resources in the family to match the needs of all family members.   Resources will be applied to meet the needs of the person whose need is the most and urgent.  Others will follow in the order of urgency of needs.  Or resources will be shared if all the needs are equal.  Needs of the younger and sick would override those of other members in the family.   She did not have any needs for herself.

Then there was a philosophy of life, which was somewhat universal.  "We should not trouble others.  We should not be troubled by others.  We should not be troubled by ourselves as well!"

All mothers may have had similar rules.   That is how they were able to manage large families over the years with limited resources and saw us through difficult times.