Showing posts with label Court. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Court. Show all posts

Sunday, September 28, 2025

Anything happening To You?


Bore Gowda and Veere Gowda were two poor farmers, living in the same village. They both owned small holdings of agricultural lands on the outskirts of the village. A fence of wild bushes (called "Beli" in Kannada) separated the two lands. Over a period of time, a growth of "Soapnut bushes" ("Seege Mele" in Kannada) developed in the fence. It was not intentionally planted by either of them. The seeds of the nearby bush were carried by heavy winds and hence the growth appeared on its own. A dispute arose between the two farmers as to who should be the rightful owner of this soapnut harvest. The problem could have been easily solved by sharing the crop. Their family members advised them that it is not worth a fight in the court, but they would not listen to them. The annual yield of the crop was valued at Two hundred Rupees.  Vanity stood between the two neighbours and they filed a case in the court against each other, each claiming that the fence belonged to him. 

For those who have not heard of Soapnut, it is a fruit of a thorny wild bush with a fruit somewhat similar to the tamarind fruit. While tamarind is edible and much sought after, Soapnut is not edible. In Kannada language it is called as "Seegekaayi". "Seege" is the name of the bush and its fruit (Kaayi in Kannada) is hence called "Seegekaayi". This nut was powdered and used to get rid of the extra oil when people of the earlier generation took their favourite "Oil bath". Seegekayi has the ability to wash off the excess oil on the body. This quality has led to the proverbial "Enne-Seegekaayi" relationship. Any enmity between two persons or groups was being referred to as "Enne-Seegekaayi" sambandha or "Oil-Soapnut" relationship. Modern bath soaps have replaced the Seegekayi powder, but it is still used in villages. 

Veere Gowda spent Five Hundred Rupees and got an order from the court in his favour. Bore Gowda appealed against the order, spent One Thousand Rupees, and got an injunction preventing Veere Gowda from harvesting the crop. The case went on and on with both farmers losing money in the bargain. Chenna and Chenni, son and daughter of Veere Gowda and Bore Gowda respectively, were in love and wanted to get married. But the "Enne-Seegekaayi" relationship between their fathers prevented their plans. 

***** 

The patient was really very patient in his overall approach. Reading of Bhagavadgita from time to time had made him realise that his body does not truly belong to him. (Please click here to understand as to who "Owns Your Body"). He was quite aware that at some stage or the other, surgeons had a unfettered right over the body. Slowly but steadily, the time for surgeons to exercise their right over his body duly arrived. There was indeed some dispute about the actual time to exercise the right, but not the right itself. The diagnostic laboratory head and a primary set of doctors passed a decree that the time has indeed come now. The patient knew fully well that any appeal would be useless and submitted himself to the repercussions.  

The date for surgery was finalised after carefully considering various factors. The patient was given detailed instructions as to how to prepare for the surgery. The undisputed fact that he himself had no role during the surgery was of no consequence. The only thing he had to do was to go to the venue and lie down on the surgical table. Even for that, he did not need much efforts as half a dozen able bodied guys were around him to take care in case he tried to change his mind at the last minute. He knew that the words "Feasting" and "Fasting" were two words used together on many occasions. He had not understood why it was so. Once the detailed instructions for surgery were received, all his doubts were cleared. The days of feasting were behind him and he could now look forward for a bright and prosperous "Fasting" future. 

The patient studied the voluminous literature given as "Instructions for surgery". He actually felt that had he been equally serious about studying like this in his school days, he would have certainly passed with higher grades. He took a print out of the instructions as he was more comfortable with paper and pen than with pick and click. All instructions were equally important, but he highlighted some as he considered them as more important than others. He felt very lucky as he was not really required to fast, but it was only that the usual food items were substituted by a bouquet of various tablets. The combination of various tablets, pills and capsules, of different colour, size and odour, reminded him of the "Gad-bad" ice-cream (a sumptuous mix of various flavours of ice-cream) he generously used to relish in his younger days. 

The instructions required that the stomach was absolutely empty at the time of surgery. All thoughts, whether good or bad, were to be banished from the stomach. Of course, they could be kept in the mind. No food since the previous midnight and no water since early morning on the surgery day. Though food was permitted till 12 PM (midnight), he did not feel it appropriate to keep an alarm and gulp some food just before midnight. There were no instructions to suck out the gas in the stomach. Even the surgeons knew that air was something on which no one could exercise any control. 

*****

Bore Gowda diligently followed up the progress of the case, though actually it was not much, by regular visits to the lawyer's office and court halls. He was required to pay some fee at each visit or else even his presence would not be acknowledged. He sold his small and meagre assets from time to time, pawned his wife's only gold chain, and used the money in his pursuit of justice. He refused to do small chores at home when his wife asked him to, reminding her that he had to attend the court case. But the lawyer and his clerk made him to do the same chores at their houses, which he did not mind. Family was denied use of vegetables as they were to be given to the advocate and his clerk. 

Bore Gowda finally lost the case. He could not face the family members now. He overheard a conversation between two farmers that DDT (Dichloro-Diphenyl-Trichloro-Ethane) powder was not a strong pesticide for worms attacking crops, but Falidol is very strong and useful. It can even kill human beings if swallowed by mistake. He went to a farmers co-operative society, purchased Falidol and mixed with some food items and took it home. He called his wife and nine children with great love and affection. 

"Come, all of you. I have not spent time with you due to court cases. Today, we will all happily eat together"
"Oh, it is such a good day!"
"Yes. Eat well and happily"

Hungry since two days, family members grabbed the items and ate hurriedly. Bore Gowda was looking at them with tear-filled eyes. 

"Are you enjoying the food?"
"yes, very much"
"Anything happening to you?"
"yes"
"What"
"Hunger"

Bore Gowda fainted. Family members continued to eat the remaining food.

*****

The patient duly reached the venue of the surgery at the appointed time. After all the formalities and some more medication, he was wheeled into the Surgical Room. 

The next things he realised was after four hours. He was no longer in the Operation Room now. He was in the Observation Room (name of which he came to know the day after) surrounded by a fresh set of hospital staff. There were wires all around his body and needle pricks in many places. He was happy he was the centre of attraction. 

One of the Doctors (patient did not really know, but thought so as the person was having a Stethoscope around his neck, like the proverbial Snake on Lord Shiva's neck) was asking some questions now.

"How are you feeling now?"

He was taught to say "I am fine, Sir. Thank you", sixty years ago when he was in school. Things had indeed changed over the years. He remembered that his grandson had taught him to say "I am Good" in response to such questions.  

"I am Good" (I was never bad, he reasoned)
"Do you have any pain?"
"No"
"Dizziness?"
"No"
"Nausea"
"No"
"Anything unusual anywhere in the body?"
"No. I don't feel anything"
"Anything happening to you?"
"Yes"
"What is it?"
"Hunger"

After nearly 24 hours since last meal, the only thing he really felt was hunger. Naturally. 

*****

Bore Gowda episode is from a Kannada Film "Naadinaa Bhagya" (Land's Destiny), released in 1970, some fifty five years ago. R Nagendra Rao, a big name in the Kannada film industry was the director and his son R N Sudarshan was the hero. Dr Rajkumar had a guest role in the film. The theme revolves around how trivial disputes destroy peace and families in villages.

For the record, knowing that Bore Gowda would do something undesirable, the hero of the film, Anand took care to substitute the Falidol bottle with Sugar syrup at the society. The family survives, all villagers learn their lessons and live happily ever after. 

As far as the patient was concerned, he was allowed to eat some sandwiches and drink some apple juice. 

*****

You can indeed enjoy long drawn court cases. And surgical operations as well. Only requirement is that you should be in good frame of mind. Or out of your mind.

Monday, February 13, 2012

I am no THIEF, Mom!


Last week I had made a post titled "GrandFather and GrandSon" (click here to read it). Some friends have mailed me asking for similar stories. Saint Purandaradasa has left many such stories for us, in the form of beautiful songs. These songs were sung daily in almost every household some decades ago. Pressures of modern life and  change of life style have rendered such songs redundant. "Jack and Jill" and "Humpty Dumpty" have replaced those songs.


*******

ನೀಲವರ್ಣನೆ ಕೃಷ್ಣ,  ನಾರಿಯರು ನಿನ್ನ ಬಲು ಚೋರ ಎಂಬುವರೊ ಕೃಷ್ಣ
ಗಯ್ಯಾಳಿ ಶಟವಿಯರ ನುಡಿ ಕೇಳಿ ಎನ್ನ ಮೇಲೆ ಕೋಪವನ್ನು ಮಾಳ್ದೆಯಮ್ಮಾ, ಗೋಪ್ಯಮ್ಮ

ಬಡವರರಾಮನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಕೊಡ ಹಾಲು ಮೊಸರು ನೀ ಕುಡಿದುಬಂದ್ಯಂತಲ್ಲೋ ಕೃಷ್ಣ?
ನಾ ಹುಡುಗ ಕೊಡ ಹಾಲು ಕುಡಿವ ಬಗೆ ಹ್ಯಾಂಗಮ್ಮ, ಇದ ನಿಜ ಮಾಡಿ ತೋರಿಸಮ್ಮ, ಗೋಪ್ಯಮ್ಮ
....................

Neelavarnane Krishna, naariyaru ninna balu chooranembuvaro krishna
Gayyali shataviyara nudi keeli enna meele koopavanu maaldeyamma gopyamma!

Badavaraa maneyalli koda haalu mosaru nee kudidu bandyantallo Krishna?
Naa huduga koda haalu kudiva bage hyaangamma, ida nija maadi torisamma, Gopyamma

*******

Yashoda is in a very angry mood. She is fed up with umpteen complaints on Krishna from almost every one in the area. Some of the complaints are unbelievable and her heart does not permit her to accept them. But she cannot ignore them also. This boy is also very mischievous and she herself knows his exploits at home. Complaints are made by the women when Krishna is not around. When  Krishna is with her and she questions him, he manages to digress and her motherly love makes her adore her son and forget the complaints. All the complaints are repeated the next day. She has decided to put an end to all these complaints. Little Krishna is strictly admonished and tied to the wooden pillar. He has been denied his share of  butter in the morning. Krishna is weeping  and begging his mother to release him.  She strongly rebukes him again. He is firmly told that he will be released only after the complaints are sorted out in the afternoon. Krishna promises her that he will stay at home and be available when all the complainants arrive. Yashoda does no relent. She knows very well that once released, she cannot find him easily. He may even run away to the banks of river Yamuna and start dancing on the head of some dangerous snake. She stays firm much against her motherly urge to release him. Krishna has stopped begging to be released. He appears hurt by the turn of events and two drops of tears, looking like pearls, are still on the edge of the beautiful eyes.

One by one the complainants are arriving in the palatial house of Nanda Gopa. Nanda Gopa is not at home. The court is in session. Yashoda is the presiding Judge. She is also the prosecutor. Many women from nearby streets are complainants. Accused Krishna is standing tied to the pillar. Balarama and other boys are just outside the main hall which is now converted into a court room. They are peeping through the window, anxious to know what is going to happen next. Yashoda  knows the list of complaints by heart and does not need any records to refer to. She has heard the complaint so many times.

"Krishna, this woman complains that you have gone to their house and stealthily drank a full pot of milk. They are very poor people. They make a living  by selling the milk. What should they do if a pot of milk is finished by you? Am I not giving you sufficient milk at home?"

"I am no thief, Mom. Do not believe this woman. You know I am such a small boy. My whole body can be put inside that big pot. Is it possible for my stomach to hold a pot of milk? See, how small is my stomach is! Let her bring a boy like me and make him drink a pot of milk.  Then we can accept her charge."

The charge is unsubstantiated and dropped. Yashoda takes up the next complaint. "Krishna, this other woman has a complaint that you took their sarees and ran away. What do you say for this?".  "Mom, I am only six years old and alone. They are sixteen years old, grown up and outnumber me. See my feet. How small they are. How can I run faster than them?". Charge is to be dropped again.

All other complaints are tried one by one. Krishna has a convincing reply to each charge. All charges are dropped and Krishna is released. He runs to meet his brother and friends waiting outside.

All the women come out of the palatial house. The first complainant comes to Krishna and begs him: "Krishna, please come to our house tomorrow. You can drink as much milk as you want. After your last visit our cow is giving three times the usual quantity of milk. Please forgive me and come tomorrow". Krishna smiles. Other complainants follow one by one. Each one requests him to visit their respective houses. Krishna is all smiles. Yashoda  comes in search of Krishna with a big ball of butter.

*******

Saint Purandaradasa must have observed children very closely. He probably saw a Krishna in every child around him. His was not a case of dry devotion to the Lord. It was devotion filled with humanly love and divine feelings.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Humor in courtroom

Just as in any other field, there are several funny anecdotes and jokes about courtroom exchanges.  There are some I have heard when I was in school and they still linger in the mind.

Just as it is difficult to face and answer a veteran lawyer during cross examination, it is difficult for the lawyers also to handle experienced witnesses.   Some of these witnesses are found frequently in court and as such they are called "Court-birds".  One such witness was being cross examined by an advocate.

"How far you were from the scene of the accident?"
"I was eighteen feet and three inches away?"
"How do you say so accurately?"
"I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me in the court and hence I actually measured it".

In another court a witness was always giving long replies and the examining attorney was exasperated.
"I do not want lengthy answers. Just answer "Yes" or "No"  to my questions"
"It is not possible to answer all questions with yes or no, Sir"
"Why it is not possible?"
"OK, I will ask a question and you answer yes or no"
The advocate feel for the trap. "Ask your question",  he said.
"Have you stopped beating your wife?",  the witness asked.

Several years ago, a friend sent me a selection of courtroom exchanges between witnesses and attorneys.  These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.   They make interesting reading and will evoke the same laughter when read with a gap in time.

Attorney:      What is your date of birth?
Witness :      July 18th.
Attorney:      What year?
Witness  :     Every year.

Attorney :    What gear were you in at the moment of  the  impact?
Witness  :    Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Attorney    :    How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness     :    Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember  which.
Attorney    :    How long has he lived with you?
Witness     :    Forty-five years.

Attorney    :    What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness     :    He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney    :    And why did that upset you?
Witness     :    My name is Susan.

Attorney    :    Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't  know about it until the   next morning?
Witness     :    Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Attorney    :    The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is  he?
Witness     :    Uh, he's twenty-one.

Attorney    :    Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness     :    Would you repeat the question?

Attorney    :    So the date of conception (of the baby) was August  8th?
Witness     :    Yes.
Attorney    :    And what were you doing at that time?
Witness     :    Uh....

Attorney    :    She had three children, right?
Witness     :    Yes.
Attorney    :    How many were boys?
Witness     :    None.
Attorney    :    Were there any  girls?

Attorney    :    How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness     :    By death.
Attorney    :    And by whose death was it terminated?

Attorney    :    Can you describe the individual?
Witness     :    He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney    :    Was this a male or a female?

Attorney    :    Is your appearance here this morning  pursuant  to deposition notice which I sent to your  attorney?
Witness     :    No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Attorney    :    Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on  dead  people?
Witness     :    All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Attorney    :    ALL your  responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go  to?
Witness     :    Oral.

Attorney    :    Do you recall the  time that you examined the body?
Witness     :    The autopsy started around 8:30  p.m.
Attorney    :    And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness     :    No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing  an autopsy on  him!

Attorney    :    Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness     :    Huh

Attorney    :    Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check  for a  pulse?
Witness     :    No.
Attorney    :    Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness     :    No.
Attorney    :    Did you check for breathing?
Witness     :    No.
Attorney    :    So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when  you began the  autopsy?
Witness     :    No.
Attorney    :    How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness     :    Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney    :    But could the patient have still been alive,  nevertheless?
Witness     :    Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and  practicing  law!

Attorney    :    This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness     :    Yes.
Attorney    :    And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness     :     I forget.
Attorney    :    You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

There are thousands more.  Keeping us laughing.