Gifting problems and Gift Registry

"Man (that includes woman) is a social animal" was the first sentence in the Social Studies text book several decades ago.  It probably remains the same even now.  Being a social animal results in celebrating events in one's life with family members and friends.  Functions like marriage, house warming, baby shower, birthdays and anniversaries are very common and arranged regularly.  Hosts of such functions have to make elaborate arrangements to ensure that these functions are conducted smoothly and are remembered for a long time for the right reasons.  They have a long list of requirements and preparatory plans to ensure the success of the events. Selecting a suitable form of invitation and sending them to the guests is an integral and important part of the process.  Decision making on all these components is an enjoyable as well as a painful process for the hosts.

Once an invitation is received by the guest, the process starts at the other end.  The guest has to first decide whether he or she wants to attend the function.  If the decision is to attend, bachelors have no problem.  For those with a family, the next question is whether to attend alone or with family members.  Those with multiple families have multiple problems.  They have to decide which family to take to the event.  Once this is decided the next issue to be resolved is whether a gift should be presented.  Giving a gift is often an emotional action and involves a lot of feeling and planning.  Gift should be attractive, liked by the receiver and ultimately useful to them.  Fitting the item within one's budget is also a relevant issue.  Some carry gifts with them to ensure that others present at the event carry a good impression about them.  For them, the packet must be big though it contains a useless or cheap item. Even if the decision is not to honor the invitation by personal appearance at the occasion, a decision has to be taken to send a gift or not.  Then to send with whom or how?  The guest has to grapple with all these problems.

Hosts or receivers of the gifts have their own set of problems.  There was an ugly practice of noting down the amounts or items given with the name of the donors, several years ago.  Fortunately, it not seen nowadays. Problems of the hosts start with the transporting of the gift items received at the event place to their residence or place of stay.  Opening of the gift packets is itself an entertaining activity and attracts much attention.  Sifting and sorting the gift items leads to many interesting situations.  Receiving multiple numbers of the same item is one of them. Such items are often disposed off by gifting them to some other host when this host receives an invitation for the next event! There have been some funny instances where a gift given as a guest sometime ago is received back as a host sometime later! Then there are other items which the receiver does not know what to do with.  If the host is lucky, there can be many items which are welcome and indeed needed by them.

The problems enumerated above have been addressed and resolved to different extents by many different ways and means.  In our younger days, there would be an informal meeting of like minded relatives to dwell on the gifting issue.  Either funds were pooled and items were bought or a consolidated cash purse presented to enable the receivers to use it as they deemed fit.  Sometimes gifts were purchased from the pooled funds in consultation with the receiver, wherever possible.  Such items could be given privately to avoid the problems of carrying bulky items to the venue of the function.  Different  practices are used in other parts of the world.  In some countries of Europe, a bowl or box is kept to enable the guests to drop envelopes with cash. Those desiring to remain anonymous can drop an envelope without the giver's name. Present day solutions are handing over an envelope containing cash or giving gift cards.  Gift cards are becoming more popular.  Carrying them is easy and they can be sent by mail as well.  Receivers can buy the items of their choice and at their convenience.

"Gift Registry" is a modern solution to all the problems of giving and receiving of gifts or presents.  Companies like Amazon, Target, Macy's etc. have a system of providing solution to the problem as well as enhancing their own sales. The system works as under:

• The host (a bride or an expecting mother) prepares a list of all the items required and suitable for receiving as gifts.  The list of items is then placed on the website of the company which is appropriately called as "Wedding Registry" or "Baby Registry" etc. 
• The items may be for any amount, say from one dollar onwards and there is no limit for the maximum amount.
• Items in the registry can be deleted, modified or additions can be made. There is also provision for managing the registry jointly, say both parents or bride and the groom.
• Companies like Macy's also provide for visiting their stores, selecting the items, getting them scanned and getting a registry prepared as per the scanned bar codes of the items.
• Once the registry is in place, its availability is advised to the relatives, friends and colleagues by word of mouth, mail or phone.
• The word spreads and those willing to gift the items view the list on the website of the company.
• The giver chooses an item from the list, makes payment to the company over internet, through credit or debit card or other acceptable payment method, from the comfort of their homes or offices or even while flying at an altitude of 40,000 feet in a plane.  Company delivers the item at the doorstep of the receiver.
• Both the sender and receiver can track the movement and delivery of the item.
• Once a item in the list is taken by someone, the item gets blocked and thus duplication of gifts is avoided.
• If the item is available at an alternate source at lower rates, the sender can purchase there and get it delivered directly.  When such arrangement is made and advised to the company, the item is blocked in the registry.
• When the period for registry is about to expire or the event nears, the person creating the registry can buy the other items to complete the requirements.  Companies offer attractive discounts on the final purchases so made.  Otherwise the remaining items can also be allowed to lapse.
• Registry allows universal donors (from anywhere in the world!) and anything from anywhere as available on the websites.
• If the item is not satisfactory to the receiver, it can be returned free within the stipulated period.
• A "Thank You" list is available to the receiver to thank all the contributors to the registry purchases.
• Companies also have advising teams, available on line, to assist those who require help to use the registry system. 

Registry system thus provides solution to problems of giving or receiving gifts and prevents gifting problems.              

Wedding Reception, with a difference

Marriage functions were a week long affair in this part of the country, some six or seven decades ago.  It was pruned to five days in the 1950s and 60s.  It was abridged to a three-day capsule in the later 60s. This continued till the 70s after which a two-day function became the norm.  The second day was for the main event and a reception would follow in the evening.  Elders considered the main event on the second morning very sacred.  When they attended this part of the function, they felt it as a duty performed sincerely.  Modern busy life style brought a new meaning to "Wedding Receptions".  There are some advantages in  such receptions; there is no need to be at the venue at  fixed timings.  One can go at any time during the time slot of three to four hours.  Neither the host nor the guest have time for each other.  A mere broad smile and shaking of hands will assure the host that the invitation has not gone a waste.  The guest also does not bother about niceties of being taken care of.  In such gatherings, everyone takes care of himself or herself. In fact, except the photographers and videographers, everyone is relaxed and comfortable.  Or one does so believe and behave.

In many countries, such events are planned in detail and often the job is entrusted to a "Planner" or "Consultant".  Even the table at which the guest is to sit is per-planned.  There is no place for gate-crashers. "I just came to know that the function is arranged.  What is the meaning of formal invitation between us?  It is our own function, no?", one does not have the luxury of saying so in these countries.  Hosts here believe that they are planning all the details of a "Wedding Reception".  The events are certainly planned, but not by the hosts.  The Choultry or Hall owner decides what are the decorations to be made.  We are allowed limited freedom of selecting from one of the photographs in the album shown to us.  The caterer decides what the guests eat.  Videographers and photographers decide where we stand and for how many seconds.  There may be some excellent music concert by well known artistes, but it is more of a humiliation to the artistes than recognition of their talents in the high decibel level noises in the hall.  When the reception is to be held is decided by the rent paid for the hall.  This often dictates that the reception is held before the actual marriage ceremony.  In the initial days this was frowned upon.  Now everyone has reconciled to it.  One can even say that families who hold the reception after the main event are still backward and need to become progressive.  More important than all, when the bride and groom arrive at the hall and give "Darshan" to the waiting guests is decided by the "Beautician".  An answer has now been found for solving the problem of restlessness among the guests.  Many wedding receptions now allow guests to have a sumptuous dinner before greeting the newly-weds.  If you are in a hurry and the newly-wed or going-to-be-wed couple have not arrived at the venue and held up at the beauty parlor, hand over the gift (mostly in the form of an envelope as it is easy to carry and avoids pains of shopping for an ideal gift) to the parents of the couple.  Assuming that they have also not gone to visit another beautician.  There is perfect understanding among all concerned and there is no possibility of being misunderstood.

A wedding reception that we attended last week was indeed a reception with a difference.  We knew only the bridegroom, one of our students.  But the invitation was extended to us by his parents who had traveled some 30 kilometers only to invite us personally.  The invitation had a long list of family members of the hosts and indicated that they were from a cultured family.  The invitation requested the guests to be present at the venue by 4 PM.  Some cultural programs were also planned as depicted in the invitation.  When we reached the venue at 4 PM, all the persons mentioned in the invitation were present to receive the guests.  Refreshments were served in an orderly manner.  Cultural programs started on time.  Little children recited "Shanti mantras" to begin the program.  They were followed by four young girls who represented the four directions - East, West, North and South.  Each one had a message for the gathering; peaceful co-existence, spirituality, patriotism and teamwork.  There was a group dance in praise of the Mother Goddess Chamundeswari.  Elder members of the family were called upon the stage to light the lamp to inaugurate the celebrations.  All of them were given mementos specially made for the wedding reception function.  All the teachers of the bridegroom were invited one by one and honoured on the stage and newly-wed couple received their blessings. There were teachers starting from Nursery school to College. Those who taught music and Hindi were also there.  There were other items of cultural programs including skits and group dances.  The bridegroom himself took part in the events through singing and mono-acting. 

At 7.30 PM the newly-weds entered the stage from the two sides, singing and dancing.  Thereafter it was a regular wedding reception.  The only difference was it was a served banana-leaf dinner instead of the usual buffet fare.

The quality of cultural program was of a very high quality and received wide appreciation from all the guests.  It was indeed a "Wedding Reception" with a difference.