Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Thursday, October 2, 2025

Answer To The Point


In our schooling days, as it is now, examinations were naturally an integral part of learning process. The system of examinations was somewhat different then than what it is today. It was a fixed date and time business, unlike today's round the clock affairs. It was paper and pen system and not pick and click systems of present times. In the lower classes, we had to carry our own paper as well for writing answers. Hence there was the spectre of answer papers of different sizes, colours, and plain white sheets as well as ruled sheets. Students carried their own simple gadgets like pen, pencil, eraser, scales, instruments box, and so on. A family's economic status could be easily gauged by looking at the nature of items their children carried to the examination hall. 

At higher levels, referred to as public examinations, a student would pay a prescribed fee to write the examination. The recognised body conducting such examinations would supply the standard answer books, and additional sheets in case the candidates needed more paper. There were indeed some brilliant students (as at all times) who could write more lengthy answers than others. They naturally needed more paper. They were not examinations with multiple-choice answer questions with given answers and the student picks one of them and ticks the answer. This system came in much later. 

After the time of examination is done, and the candidates are out of examination halls, there would be the usual small groups of candidates discussing the events of the examination rooms. "Who took the maximum number of additional sheets?" was a popular question asked in these groups. "What was there so much to write? He might have written all irrelevant things!" would be the exclaim of those who could not fill even the given main booklet. 

To discourage candidates from writing irrelevant and unnecessary lengthy answers, question papers carried a warning at the top of the paper. "Answer to the Point" was the popular phrase giving expression to these sentiments. Even when oral questions were asked in the regular classes, students attempting to digress or beat around the bush would be warned by the teacher. "What is it that I asked? What is your answer? Answer to the point!", the teacher would admonish.

"Answer to the point" remained the essence of the learning process. Even with all these, there were many students who never understood this simple rule. For some of them, it needed more than mere schooling to understand this very valuable principle!
*****

The patient was lying in the Intensive and Critical Care unit (ICCU) of the big hospital. His hands and legs were tied to the bed and their movement was restricted to a few inches at the most. This was for his own protection as otherwise he might have pulled out any of the many wires and tubes that were attached to his body. He knew there were many nerves and blood vessels in his body, though he did not know the count. There were so many wires and tubes attached to his body from the outside, but he could not count them as well. There were computer monitors around showing so many numbers and graphs all the time. He could not make any sense out of those numbers. The graphs they presented looked similar to some of the graphs he studied in his Mathematics classes. But it was long long ago. 

Now and then, the monitor would beep. The sound would draw the attention of a nurse. While he could not understand the reason for beeping, she knew exactly why it was so beeping. Her adjusting or moving a wire would stop the beep. She would also add some liquid to the bottle in the stand. The tube linking the bottle and the blood vessel on his hand would do its job and ensure that the liquid slowly but steadily reached his veins or arteries. When this happened, sometimes he would get agitated, while at other times a soothing feeling engulfed him. 

The lights in the room were always on. It was difficult to know whether it was day or night, or what time of the day or night it was. Initially he did not understand anything, but as days passed he realised that a shift had changed when a different nurse was moving around. There was no question of eating or drinking as the bottles in the stand and tubes connecting them to his veins did the needful. At times it would seem as if it was unfathomable bliss. A team of strong young men would come from time to time, and move him from one position to another, for whatever reasons they deemed fit. 

*****

He opened his eyes after another spell of drowsiness, or sleep, or whatever it was. A different nurse was staring down at him. Another shift has changed, he reasoned. Hers was a familiar face, as seen in earlier shifts. She had a syringe in her hand. Why does she need a syringe? The bottle is already there. She could as well drop the medicines in it, he thought.

"Good morning!", she said.

Oh! it is morning now, he understood. He tried to smile. With all the tubes around, she might not have understood that he was smiling. 

"I have to draw some blood for the lab. Can I draw, please"
"What difference will it make to a person who is already wet, standing in neck deep water, if it rains a little?"
"Can I draw some blood, Sir?"
"So many times blood has been drawn. What difference one more time will make?"
"Can I draw some blood, Sir?"
"If any blood is still left in the body, you are welcome to take it"
"Can I draw some blood, Sir?'
"You can do whatever you want"
"Is it a "Yes" Sir?"

He realised it was no time for a humorous or implied answer. Nor a round about answer. "Answer to the point! You silly", he felt his primary school teacher was shouting in his ears. 

"Yes", he replied meekly. Answer to the point, at last. Needful was done.

An individual's privacy is highly respected in some societies. Touching another person's body without permission is not acceptable. Not even by a doctor or a surgeon, while conducting an examination. They show the courtesy of asking whether it can be done. The answer should be a straightforward "Yes". Not an implied or round about permission. Express and unambiguous permission is required. 
*****

Many teachers over several years had failed repeatedly to teach him the importance of "Answer to the point". Many superiors in his work life had also failed miserable to bring home its importance. 

The smiling nurse in ICCU achieved this in a single instance!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

We never insult Guests

Once a famous University invited a Guest speaker to give a lecture to its Senior Students.  The students had assembled in full numbers in anticipation of an excellent lecture.  Guest speaker was also encouraged by the full house and started his lecture in right earnest.  The lecture went on for about ten minutes.  The students could not make out what the guest speaker was trying to communicate.  There were some murmurs here and there and the atmosphere became uneasy.  One of the students in the last row got up and looked around.  He pulled out a curtain behind him and picked the curtain rod in his hand.  As the well built boy started coming down the gallery with the rod in his hand, the speaker started trembling and told the boy,  "Please stop. I will conclude my lecture".  The boy calmly told him, "Sir, Please continue the lecture.  I will not interfere.  We maintain highest traditions in this Institution.  We never insult guests.  I am only going in search of the Program Coordinator who has invited you here".  

In one of the classes the teacher was to cover a passage in Ramayana.  SriRama standing on the shores of Lanka looks at the Golden City of Ravana and tells Lakshmana:

अपि स्वर्नमयि लन्का न मे लक्ष्मण रोचते
जननि जन्मभूमिश्च स्वर्गादपि गरीयसि

Api swarnamayee Lanka na me Lakshmana rochate
Janani Janmabhoomischa swargaadapi gareeyasi

Lakshmana, This Lanka is a Golden City.  Even then I am not enthused by it.  Mother and Motherland are greater than even Heaven .

The teacher asked the students; "Who is greater than the mother?".  He expected the students to say "Motherland!".  That would give him the perfect footing for further expanding the lesson. All the students believed that Mother was the greatest in the world and were confused.  But one boy in the last bench got up and answered: "Teacher".  The teacher was slightly disappointed because he did not get the expected response.  But he also felt proud that he was recognised by the student.  He asked the student again: "Why?'.  Pat came the answer: "Mother can put only one child to sleep at a time, whereas the teacher can put the whole class to sleep at the same time".

In another class, a teacher asked a student to wake up a sleeping student, sitting next to him.  The student was known for being polite.  But this time he retorted,  "Why should I?  You put him to sleep.  You only wake him up".

One executive was suffering from over work and stress.  He was unable to sleep.  He went to consult a Doctor.  The doctor advised him to join an evening course and sit for an examination.  "Which course should I choose?",  the executive asked.  Doctor replied, "Join any damn course, that is not important.  What is important is that you go and sit in the class".

Another teacher found one girl fidgeting in the classroom.  Teacher was annoyed.  She told the girl, "Why are you fidgeting?  If you do not like my lecture you can go to sleep.  You know I do not object to that".  The girl replied,  "I know that Madam, and the whole class is thankful to you for not objecting.  But the girl next to me is snoring so heavily that I am unable to sleep".

Sleeping in a classroom or a meeting or a conference or even a concert is not uncommon.  It is also universal.  It is infectious as well.  Some top leaders are more known for sleeping in public meetings than their other accomplishments.  Just as the speaker has the right to speak, the listener has a right to sleep.  Once this rule is understood, both the speaker and listeners are at peace with each other.  This is all the more so if you are speaking in a after lunch session.  Otherwise one can attempt a dangerous trick.  Make friends with the Chef and ensure that the food is horrible so that the participants arrive half starved.

For sometime I was on training duties and was usually given post-lunch sessions.  Having been a victim myself on several such occasions, I was very indulgent with the trainees of both types.  Those who were sleeping and those who were unable to sleep.  I would always start my session with a general permission for any trainee to sleep.  Just like any sanction in a Bank, with conditions.  A bank sanction has many conditions running to several pages, but I had only two conditions.  Firstly, the sleeper should not snore; not because it disturbed me for I had trained myself to go on lecturing despite most of the trainees asleep, but because it would disturb the peaceful sleep of other trainees. Secondly, the sleeper should always keep his eyes open.  No need to be surprised.  Many people have perfected the art of sleeping with eyes wide open; whatever is being communicated will never reach them despite your best efforts.

Once I was in a Training program for Trainers, as a participant Trainer. All the speakers as well as participants were veterans;  those who had put trainees to sleep for years.  On the first day of the five day program half the participants were asleep.  During one of the breaks I told the fellow participants that a prize would be given to the participant who would remain awake throughout the program.  The number of sleepers kept on increasing despite this and would only marginally drop when a Senior Executive was the speaker.  By Friday afternoon, the fifth day, everyone except me had fallen asleep at one time or the other.  I managed to remain awake by asking some question, whether relevant or not, whenever there was an urge to sleep.  Unfortunately in the last session of the program I had also fallen asleep.  But fortunately, my fellow trainers were very considerate.  They woke me up from the deep sleep to announce that I should receive the prize for the distinction of being the last participant to fall asleep!